You know that moment when your child turns 13 and suddenly, you’re not sure if you’re raising a human or decoding an alien transmission? One day they’re laughing with you, the next day you’re the enemy because you asked if they had lunch. Congratulations, you’re now living with a walking puzzle—otherwise known as a teenager.
But here’s the twist: this puzzle isn’t meant to be solved. It’s meant to be understood. Or at least…attempted.
Teenagers are messy. They’re moody. They’re magical. They slam doors, roll their eyes like it’s an Olympic sport, and then—out of nowhere—ask you a deep question that stops you in your tracks. “What does love really mean?” “Why does no one talk about reproduction?” Or my personal favorite: “What would you do if you were in my place?” (Spoiler: they don’t want your answer. They want your vibe.)
Here’s the good news—even if your child is still young, this phase is coming. The better you build your connection now, the fewer door slams you’ll hear later. Two ways to win this game: a) Make friends with them before hormones do, or b) Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V option ‘a’ (there is no option b). Be their safe space, not their judge. Because when the puzzle walks in with their headphones on and problems in their heart—you want them to choose you to talk to.
Preparing for the Puzzle—Before It Hits
Here’s a secret: the teenage years don’t suddenly begin at 13. They brew quietly during those 7-to-12 years when your child is still holding your hand but slowly forming their own inner world. That’s your window—the golden hour—to build trust before chemicals hijack logic.
Preparation isn’t about rules. It’s about rapport. The kind where your child feels seen, not sized up. Heard, not hurried. It’s when you start calling out emotions instead of just behavior: “Looks like something upset you today?” instead of “Why are you acting like that?”
It’s planting seeds now so when the teenage storm hits, they don’t drift—they dock.
Help them build vocabulary around their feelings. Let awkward questions land safely. Speak the truth, but gently. And most importantly, never laugh at their curiosity.
Because trust me, the child who can ask you about their body at 9 will be the teen who comes to you before they cross a line at 15.
Here’s a little bonus to help you out managing these one-word-answer-giving mini-adults:
Do’s and Don’ts to keep in mind while talking to teenagers:
| Do’s | Don’ts |
| Be Open and Approachable: Encourage to share their thoughts without fear of judgment.Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions and struggles as genuine.Teach Emotional Intelligence: Help them understand their feelings and how to express them constructively.Emphasize Boundaries: Reinforce the importance of respecting their own and others’ boundaries.Discuss Healthy Relationships: Share examples of mutual respect, trust, and equality in relationships.Model Healthy Relationships: Demonstrate mutual respect and good communication in your own relationships.Stay Updated: Learn about the apps and platforms they use to better understand their digital world.Start Conversations Early: Address topics like digital safety and physical intimacy before they become issues. | Don’t Dismiss Their Feelings: Avoid invalidating statements like, “It’s just a phase” or “You’ll get over it.”Don’t Pry or Overreact: Respect their privacy and avoid interrogating them about their personal lives.Don’t Lecture: Make it a two-way conversation instead of talking at them.Don’t Use Shame or Fear Tactics: Avoid guilt-inducing language or scare tactics about their choices.Don’t Promote Gender Stereotypes: Encourage authenticity rather than traditional roles like “Boys don’t cry.”Don’t Dismiss Digital Boundaries: Acknowledge the impact of social media on their relationships and help them navigate it safely.Don’t Compare Them to Others: This can harm their self-esteem and strain your relationship.Don’t Snooping Unnecessarily: Respect their privacy unless there’s a serious concern. |
The Ultimate Mantra: “Love over Ego”—Let us not forget, in the game of love preserving the bond matters more than winning arguments. Sometimes, losing is the real winning.
That’s a parent!
